Fortunately my friends are forgiving of my (all too common) lapses in memory. But, it got me to thinking. How often it is that I forget what is truly important to me. Or, at least, what I say is truly important to me. If I let so many other things squeeze the important out of mind....perhaps my priorities are actually not what I would like to think they are.
You know how it goes--it's not that you actually don't want to do something. It's just that....other things come up. You get busy. And then you remember after it's too late.
Back in highschool, a woman at my church talked to me about the importance of building "margin" into our lives. I'm pretty sure she got the idea from this book. I haven't read it, but as she explained it to me, margin is the space that exists around the edges of our lives--the extra space between what we do and what we are capable of doing. This buffer, between our lives and the full capacity for our lives, is essential. Not only for our sanity, but also for our families, our budges, our friendships, and our spiritual lives. We need a buffer of time, commitments, money, etc, to give us the space to breathe and rest.
Now, granted, there are periods in our lives where we are going to have to live "in the margins." Illness in the family, a new job, moving, a new baby, school projects, a large project at work--all legitimate reasons to need to cut into that margin. Yet, so many of us live in the margin on a day to day basis. We fill our schedules and spend our paychecks to "full capacity" at least 90% of the time. We don't leave room for stretching, because we are stretched to the max always. We cannot give more without cutting something. So when a friend has a death in the family, we have to figure out how fit in a phone call. "Maybe while I'm at the grocery store I could talk then....?" When a friend needs to meet for coffee to wrestle with emotional issues, we have to stay up until midnight to compensate for the hour it took to talk with her. So then, we end up tapping our toes at Starbucks, thinking about the laundry wrinkling in the dryer instead of listening to our friend's heartbreak and trying to comfort a friend on the phone while haggling with the grocery store worker over the price of the tomatoes that rang up improperly.
What went so wrong?
It seems that there are a few places I should try to change:
1. Letting the immediate take precedence over the important: This is a popular concept lately, especially when it comes to business. The idea is that we waste inordinate amounts of time with the mundane little tasks rather than focusing our attention on what really demands and deserves it. You know, the times when you have 20 emails to answer, and a big project. The emails are easier to answer, and they're sitting right there, so you figure you'll start with them. The problem is, by the time you've responded to those 20, and should be working on the project, another 6 have arrived. When you're done with that, another 2 are in your inbox. And so on and so forth. Until it's time to go home and you've done nothing but email. Obviously this is a problem, but the results are even sadder, if we put this model in place in our personal lives. There, it may takes the form of being too preoccupied with wanting to clean the house and get chores done that I neglect to sit down and spend time with my husband. Or, interrupting a coffee date with a friend to read and respond to a non-important text message or email.
Empty inboxes and sparkling countertops are not a sign of a successful life. The email can likely wait 'til tomorrow, the text message can wait until coffee is over, and no one will die if I put off the dishes to snuggle with my husband.
2. Not having an "emergency fund" for time: Like many people, we have an emergency fund in the bank. Why? Because emergencies will always happen. Many of us have been taught that's what credit cards are for--emergencies. We live on 100% of our paychecks, and then, when the car doesn't start, when we spill soda on our computers, when we get sick and need medicine, we justify charging what we cannot afford, because "well, it was an emergency." Yet, is it really? We know that things go wrong. It's not a question of if. It's a question of when. So an emergency fund isn't just a good idea, it's a necessity. (For more on this, I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's books and talks. You can read more here.)
Why do we not do this for time? We book our schedules solid with appointments, work, dinners, and errands. I've, sadly, been known to schedule things down to the minute, under the guise of being super efficient and disciplined. Yet, how is that unlike spending every dollar of our paychecks? Is it really not the same? We book our schedules full, then when "emergencies" happen (illness, family problems, a friend going through a rough time, car troubles) we have nothing left to give. Since we didn't budget for this, we must over-extend ourselves, borrowing our time from other things, to make it work. We end up exhausted, cranky, and not being that much of a help to anyone.
If we were to build an "emergency fund" with our time as well as our money, we would be prepared to deal with the problems in life as they arise. We would always have some time available for others. We would be able to sit down for a cup of coffee without scheduling it two weeks in advance. Where are our reserves of time?
3. Spending my time thoughtlessly rather than intentionally: My husband often says, and rightly, that "you have time for what's important." It's true. And convicting. How often I have used the excuse "oh, I just got busy." Yet, I still found time to get lost in the never-ending maze of the internet. Do I really think that's more important than investing in friendships? No....I don't really. But, my actions could fool you. My laziness in not thinking through how I want to spend my time results in me wasting time, spending time foolishly, or investing my time in ways that I really am not happy about. We only have so much time. It would be a shame to waste it on meaningless things.
Any thoughts on how to better manage time?
